Wednesday, September 26, 2007

"lay off me, i'm STARVING!"

too. much. food.

that's the atmosphere at work this week. fatness rolled in shame rolled in fat. and topped with bacon. if there's a meeting up in here, there will surely be food, and with 6 meetings over the course of 3 days, the shear amount of food showing up in this office is ridiculous.

pizza, soups & sandwiches, doughnuts, rock stars (yes the energy drink, and no i didn't have one), mexican food, cheesesteaks...all wrapped in bacon. and fat.

since when did it become expected from these people that if one of the big wigs calls a meeting, that means free food? you'd think the people i work with never get to eat outside of work! they rush up to the conference room 2 minutes before the meeting and start sloshing piles and piles of food onto their plates with no concern for (a) how much food is present or (b) how many people that amount is suppose to feed therefore leaving the few of us who actually have normal appetites/aren't seemingly homeless with the dregs of what was a whole pizza/box of doughnuts/pan of chimichangas. and then they come back for more. and are the first to complain that there "isn't enough" to feed them for the rest of the day/until the next meeting.

tiny tim: i'm on the free lunch program, lunch lady. may i please have a slice of cafeteria meat loaf?

lunch lady: sure, tiny. schlop here's an extra scoop of green beans, too.

t.t.: gee, thanks, lunch lady! you're the best!

l.l.: that's what we're here for tiny! wink

office newsflash: the big-wigs have let go of the free-meal program, which was actually never instated, but somehow started as a service to those who slave away all day for the man. starting next week, if there ever should be food in the office, those who are chosen to participate in the devouring of said food will do so gratefully, without complaint, and will not eat as if it is their last meal. no longer will i be allowed to play lunch lady to "starving" "students." i don't own a hairnet and do not have a bad case of the gout.

lunch lady nama, signing off to attend yet another meeting after which i will be traveling to rite aid to purchase a stomach pump (aisle 3) and a hairnet (aisle 5).


  1. It's true- you can review staff reports/ subdivision plats without being fed. I think you should have you and your planning comrades wear hairnets in protest should you ever feel abused again.

  2. you could always tell people that you just found the food laying on the side walk next to a newspaper stand to the left of a homeless person who happened to be passed out from heat exhaustion. and dont forget to add "lucky, huh?"