Wednesday, September 26, 2007

"lay off me, i'm STARVING!"

too. much. food.

that's the atmosphere at work this week. fatness rolled in shame rolled in fat. and topped with bacon. if there's a meeting up in here, there will surely be food, and with 6 meetings over the course of 3 days, the shear amount of food showing up in this office is ridiculous.

pizza, soups & sandwiches, doughnuts, rock stars (yes the energy drink, and no i didn't have one), mexican food, cheesesteaks...all wrapped in bacon. and fat.

since when did it become expected from these people that if one of the big wigs calls a meeting, that means free food? you'd think the people i work with never get to eat outside of work! they rush up to the conference room 2 minutes before the meeting and start sloshing piles and piles of food onto their plates with no concern for (a) how much food is present or (b) how many people that amount is suppose to feed therefore leaving the few of us who actually have normal appetites/aren't seemingly homeless with the dregs of what was a whole pizza/box of doughnuts/pan of chimichangas. and then they come back for more. and are the first to complain that there "isn't enough" to feed them for the rest of the day/until the next meeting.

tiny tim: i'm on the free lunch program, lunch lady. may i please have a slice of cafeteria meat loaf?

lunch lady: sure, tiny. schlop here's an extra scoop of green beans, too.

t.t.: gee, thanks, lunch lady! you're the best!

l.l.: that's what we're here for tiny! wink

office newsflash: the big-wigs have let go of the free-meal program, which was actually never instated, but somehow started as a service to those who slave away all day for the man. starting next week, if there ever should be food in the office, those who are chosen to participate in the devouring of said food will do so gratefully, without complaint, and will not eat as if it is their last meal. no longer will i be allowed to play lunch lady to "starving" "students." i don't own a hairnet and do not have a bad case of the gout.

lunch lady nama, signing off to attend yet another meeting after which i will be traveling to rite aid to purchase a stomach pump (aisle 3) and a hairnet (aisle 5).

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

thus far, a rather uninspiring thing

i'm blank. and so is my creativity. and my life. thus, the lack of inspiration.

however, my blog does seem to inspire those googling the following items:

1. "if the sun wasn't three years from now"
2. "stupid blonde"
3. "sun's it girl"
4. "does the lama song ever end"
5. "my name is simon"
6. "mighty quinn's bbq"
7. "exant flourish"
8. "99% undatable"

i don't know if they found what they were looking for in my blog, but i will now attempt to "answer" their "requests."

1. the sun's here to stay, according to its wikipedia site. i don't know where you heard that the sun "wasn't" three years from now, but i believe your "source" was wrong.

2. blondes are not stupid across the board, although i question that stereotype when i see a flighty-looking blonde wearing a screen t-shirt that says, "i had a nightmare that i was a brunette." she just might be stupid.

3. i was not aware that the sun had an "it" girl! is she more along the lines of an heiress socialite who is famous for absolutely no reason or more along the cute-young-hip actress who either turns out to be quite talented and a respectable human being or a washed up alcoholic who thinks she's above the law. i think we should be able to tell based on whether or not this "it" girl believes in wearing proper undergarments.

4. last time i checked, it didn't. llama, llama, duck...

5. correction. my name is nama. but i do like to do drawrings...(thank you wikhow)

6. i don't do red meat. try google maps.

7. i believe the correct spelling is exeunt flourish (thanks, kat). and yes, i love that episode, too. "she is dead to me! spit"

8.'s sad, but true. i am only 1% datable. why? because i hate dating. it's lame. probably because i am. but i will stand by seinfeld's observation that only 4% to 6% of the population is good looking. and the percentage of really, really, ridiculously good looking people is even smaller. again, another reason i don't date.

accurate answers? yes. inspiring? probably not.

brought to you by (aka, only $19.95 and 7 days to change your life. (thanks jamie cullum)