Thursday, July 27, 2006

holy jeopardy postings, batman!

since kat & brittany have posted their jeopardous thoughts, i thought i might add to these posts in light of this startling news:

'jeopardy' champ jennings jabs show

what is this you say? jeopardy's wonder boy and good ole' utahan has been criticizing the canadian wonder himself, alex trebec, and the game show that has come to be known as america's senior citizen's favorite past time? gasp! for shame, kenneth.

wait? he wrote these jabs in blog form? must read...

confessions of a trivial mind: dear jeopardy!

hmm...so this is suppose to be "a humor piece"? so he doesn't really think that new categories such as "playstation", "skanks from reality tv who got naked in men's magazines", and "potpourri" should replace the "effete left-coast crap" categories they currently offer? and sending "the brain bus" crew into the the dark woods alone, thus creating a blair witchian scenario wherein one of the clue crew "disappears" and the other crew members, while looking "wan and emaciated" before, look "a little better-fed" after he's gone, is a bad idea? and gasp! he uses the words "cannabis" and "damn"? quick! somebody call the alumni president to get his alumnus status stricken forever!

but seriously folks, i think we all need a little lesson in "sarcasm", seeing as those at "cnn", "the associated press" and "jeopardy" think that mr. jennings' rant is "offensive" and "serious". sigh. i guess only people of such high intelligence as myself truly appreciate the "humor" in his posting and laugh "hysterically" at his "superior" genius.

in conclusion, i'll first stop using "quotation marks", and then i will sit back and laugh at the image of alex trebec, or, shall i say, "trebektron 4000" (doh! i didn't make any promises), with an engineered mustache and a french ventriloquist's dummy at his side, supporting the legalization of mary jane, reading the category "potent potables", and strangling his beloved ken jennings for letting out his secrets.

ho ho! ho ho. ho ho! (laughs into shirt sleeve) ho ho ho. huh ho!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

are you sure this isn't something vodka can handle?

yesterday, kat & i got manicures & pedicures from two asian guys. all mine said to me was "5 minutes". kat's wanted a job at her chocolately place of employment.

after, we went back to her hizzle, ate julymas leftovers ("these mash potatoes are so creamy!"), & watched "house" & "gilmore girls".

i am cherishing moments like these right now, more like savoring them, because any good moment of my day makes me feel like my life isn't all that bad right now. that i can put on a brave face and let myself smile.

and i'm not gonna lie. my french manicured toes really help with that, too.

and, as always, music seems to be doing it's part, too. here are some more musings.

"seven years" - norah jones

spinning, laughing, dancing to her favorite song
a little girl with nothing wrong is all alone
eyes wide open always hoping for the sun
and she'll sing her song to anyone that comes along

fragile as a leaf in autumn
just fallin' to the ground without a sound
crooked little smile on her face
tells a tale of grace that's all her own

spinning, laughing, dancing to her favorite song
a little girl with nothing wrong is all alone
a little girl with nothing wrong and she's all alone

"cold, cold heart" - norah jones

i've tried so hard my dear to show that you're my every dream
yet you're afraid each thing i do is just some evil scheme
a memory from your lonesome past keeps us so far apart
why can't i free your doubtful mind and melt your cold cold heart

another love before my time made your heart sad and blue
and so my heart is paying now for things i didn't do
in anger unkind words are said
they make the teardrops start
why can't i free your doubtful mind and melt your cold cold heart

there was a time when i believed that you belonged to me
but now i know your heart is shackled to a memory
the more i learn to care for you the more we drift apart
why can't i free your doubtful mind and melt you cold cold heart

Saturday, July 22, 2006

don't hate me

i right now feel my life can best be expressed through angry songs and interpretive dance. here's the music. now picture jack sparrow in a tutu and let your imagination run wild.

---

chomsky - light

don't set me down easy, don't shield me from light
it might start to burn and maybe that's right
so give me your reasons and don't take all night
don't set me down easy, don't shield me from

try the new deception
throw me off, push me hard, false start, falling off the mark
cover all intentions with a little dark
seeing it in motion
mumbling, stumbling, so weak, so insecure
keep all your inventions
time to make things pure

don't set me down easy, don't shield me from light
it might start to burn and maybe that's right
so give me your reasons and don't take all night
don't set me down easy, don't shield me from

can't get any clearer
poor excuses and notions and reasons - all in the way
get me out from under and come what may
pushing it to crisis
feel explosions, close in, build up, had enough

wasting all my profits
i'm down
wasting all my profits
i'm down
don't let the bastards be your masters

don't set me down easy, don't shield me from light
it might start to burn and maybe that's right
so give me your reasons and don't take all night
don't set me down easy, don't shield from

give it all to me at once
hit me with your strong full force
pain will wash everything gone
and i'll keep moving on, be rest assured

i won't slow down
i will run, run, run
yes i will
i won't slow down
i will run, run, run

so don't do me any favors
just come clean, shoot to kill, make it fast, cue the stun
go ahead, try and explain it
either way i'm done

wasting all my profits
i'm down
wasting all my profits
i'm down
don't let the bastards be your masters

---

jamie cullum - nothing i do

we were so drunk last night
we had that stupid fight
you called me a useless, selfish prick
so i'm in a fix right now
and we'll measure the truth somehow
love is a funny thing to me

then you stormed out and grabbed your coat whilst slamming shut the door
a ruthless move so cold you left your keys inside the door

can nothing i do make you happy anymore
can nothing i say put a smile on to your face
can nothing i say bring us back together
can nothing i do put a smile on to your face

the next day i called your back
and you called a stupid twat
and then you were crying on the phone
you sounded so upset...you said i wasn't the man you met
three years and seven months ago

i pleaded with her take me back, i'll change my sorry ways
so tell me why mysteriously i'm annoyed instead of shamed

can nothing i do make you happy anymore
can nothing i say put a smile on to your face
can nothing i do bring us back together
can nothing i say put a smile on to your face

i'm pondering it all after that call
i think it is clear
if i'm here, you're from another stratosphere
all the things she said, they run around my head and come out my ear
and not long before, this stubborn soul thinks he's done no wrong

as crander questions flutter round my head like butterflies
my head spins out reflecting on another love's demise

can nothing i do make you happy anymore
can nothing i say put a smile on to your face
can nothing i do bring us back together
can nothing i say put a smile on to your face


---

Friday, July 21, 2006

so what had happened was...

i'm in desparate need of a hug.

a big one.

and a dove rich dark chocolate bar.

a really big one.

...

any takers?

Monday, July 17, 2006

i wish i were an oscar meyer weiner

*sigh*

alright. here i go again. i know what i have to do, what's required of me. i know what i have to do to keep my head above water. i know your mom's fatter than greenland.

*deep breath*

okay, to keep my self smiling, i'm going to listen to some jamie cullum, watch crazy asian guys lip-sing backstreet boys, and throw those little squishy stress ball around at work (they say byu independent study on them and look like a globe).

here's my jamie cullum song of the moment:

i'm glad there is you

said i many times, love is illusion
a feeling result of confusion
with knowing smile and blasé sigh
a cynical so and so, am i

i feel so sure, so positive
so utterly unchangeably certain
though i never was aware of loving you
'til i suddenly realised there was love in you and oh...

in this world of ordinary people
extraordinary people
i'm glad there is you

in this world of overrated pleasures
and underrated treasures
i'm glad there is you

i live to love
i love to live with you beside me
this role, so new i'll muddle through with you
if you'll guide me through

in this world where many play at love
and hardly any stay in love
i'm glad there is you

more than ever, I'm glad there is you

said I many times, love is illusion...

---

and speaking of your mom and laughter, i found her picture on google!

Monday, July 10, 2006

i think i'm in love

isn't he beautiful? isn't he lovely? i'm sure he's wonderful. and that's why i want him.










behold the black ibook. in the words of david cassidy, "i think i love you".

and i fully admit it. congratulations, steve jobs. you finally got me. your nazi/gestapo gang of apple minions must have successfully kidnapped me in my sleep, inundated me with apple propaganda under the bright light of one of those interrogation...light...thingers...and i then woke up the next day thinking, "i want an apple. i need an apple. huh."

or maybe it's the fact that my laptop is slowing dying. my 'shift' key just broke. so now i REALLY can't type in UPPERCASE, or Capitalize, even if i wanted to. have you seen the pc/mac commercials? the more my pc breaks, the more i laugh.

& on a related note, i came across this mock-a-mercial today via dave barry via youtube via best week ever (i love you mo rocca):

"do you mean, like, stupid stupid, or cool stupid."

& on an unrelated note, the classics geek in me thinks this is hilarious (& makes me recoil at the fact that they spell vergil the unclassic way):

bush regales dinner guests with impromptu oratory on virgil's minor works

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

best 4th ever

i think america pretty much had the best birthday ever yesterday (at least in my book).

it started with yummy chad pancakes and ending with a viewing of "the sandlot" with plenty of party time in between. oh glorious day.

the most fitting tribute to america was obviously the freedom festival parade, with elaborate floats that won such awards & titles as "outstanding depiction of legacy" and "most beautiful women likely to wave at moydie". the parade participants sure were proud to be american, especially the army guys shooting blanks into the audience of american-loving & cheering parade goers:

ARMY GUYS W/ GUNS: we love america!

PARADE GOERS: shoot us! yeah! go america!!

AGWG: alright! *bang* *bang* we love america!

PG: yeah, you do! *hack* *weeze*

AGWG: happy birthday america! *bang* *bang* we love guns!

PG: woo *gag* hoo *death*...

happy birthday, indeed.

this momentous event was followed by a perfectly hot day at the pool, a kneaders sandwich, & home-baked ziti. and then, of course, there was "the sandlot".

"first, you take the graham..."

i didn't get to actually see fireworks last night, but the 4th of july scene with a moving gospel rendition of "america, the beauitful" playing in the background was, quote-un-quote, most excellent. those fireworks were amazing! it made me want to play baseball under a brightly lit night sky & sing to america! good times...until i remembered how un-athletic i am...

"you're killin' me, smalls!"

in conclusion, happy birthday america! 230 years sho' did treat you right!