Thursday, June 29, 2006

stop the madness!!

would somebody PLEASE explain this "shirt" to me?

is this suppose to be attractive, because it's not. i'm not even sure what to call IT. it's like the rebel member of the vest family, which doesn't help its cause. did we not learn from our early 90s (or, as i like to call that period, 80s-throw-up) fashion mistakes?

call me "old", but i don't understand what the kids are wearing these days. with efy going on, i've seen travesty after fashion travesty invade campus in the form of teeny-boppers wearing the "opposite vest" and many other new-fangled creations i don't understand. like this:

why in the world would you take a perfectly delightful a-line skirt and bunch up the bottom to create a bubble effect? to match you fat mom's bubble butt? because i cannot concieve how adding extra fabric where no fabric should ever be to ANY piece makes it attractive. girls, it doesn't! especially with the above "shirt" and the one below. more fabric where it shouldn't be = shapelessness = not good. hugesque bows are equally unflattering, especially when placed at the widest part of the female body. it just boggles my mind why any woman would wear a shirt that emphasizes her hips with a wide band & ginormous bow and THEN proceeds to poof out in a pregnant-like manner over the belly. why?! and don't even get me started on this atrociousness: gah! pants & skirts DO NOT go together. they are meant to be separate entities, and it should stay that way. *shudder*

Thursday, June 22, 2006

let the fat mom jokes commence...

"you put your weed in there!"

oh the possibilities!

UPDATE: guess what your mom wants for julymas?

Monday, June 19, 2006

mr. fish, did you die?

remember when i was raving about snow, how much i loved the first line of the book, and how excited i was to read great literature again?

well...the honeymoon is over, and i finally had to killed the book about half way through. i REALLY tried hard to read that dang thing, but, alas, i could not go further. i think i read a total of 2 or 3 chapters last week, hoping it would get better, but being thoroughly disappointed every time. i was given special permission to finally put it out of it's misery and pick up something i actually want to read. so here's my beef with snow:

the writing? fantastic!
the characters & their development? satisfactory.
the subject matter? shoot me now.

it's not that i don't think the conflict between traditional islam & revolutionary/go democracy! islam isn't an interesting subject matter. the fictionalized version of it just isn't my cup o' tea. in one word, it was boring. i would turn every page, hoping to find more character development of ka, the atheist poet returned from germany, finding God through his poetry. instead, a long discussion would ensue about the issue of wearing head scarves in public schools. and i would get bored. i held out as long as i could; really, i did! the depth and brilliance of the writing were the only things keeping me going thus far, but it finally had to die. and quickly. like ripping off a bandaid. one swift motion, RIGHT off.

side effects? the need/want/urge to buy more books, even though i have a small stack waiting to be read.


i am now the proud owner of sense and sensibility, emma's war (recommended to me by liz), & mutants: on genetic variety and the human body. this last selection i found while wandering the biology section at borders. it has a picture of a man on the cover who has no limbs; just a head, a torso, feet, & hands. it was love at first sight. i asked kat if it was strange that i really wanted this book.

"for you or for a normal person?"


Tuesday, June 13, 2006

you gotta put your behind in your past

our last assignment in senior english was to write a letter to ourselves that our teacher, mrs. gaskin (aka, gaskolnikov, as we so aptly named her when he read crime & punishment), would mail to us in 5 years. having completely forgotten about this letter, my mom called me last week to tell me she had received a letter in the mail for me...from me...oh dear.

i remember writing those letters in young womens to ourselves/future husbands and keeping them in my mia maid scrapbook of flowerly young women things. ugh.

so you can only imagine my excitement and anticipation. however, all joking aside, the letter was incredibly entertaining! i wrote some sappiness toward the beginning that i skimmed over, but then i listed page after page of high school memories i didn't want myself to forget. oh the mind of an optimistic 18-year-old. while i did remember most of the list, there were a few that i could not figure out. i called my best friend, who i have known since elementary school, to piece together all the randomness in front of me. and hilarity ensued.

"remember when there was a huge power outage senior year that caused the powers that be to close down the school for the day? and we went to dino's & watched the matrix and in the middle of the movie, atticus said "hey! it's the spen boonder guy!" and we died?"

"remember when we "broke up" in middle school? twice. and we walked to school on opposite sides of the street glaring at each other?"

"remember when we went to friday's & kari table danced? for the first time?

"remember when we would cram 4-6 people in the back of your car on the way home from school? and we lived to tell the tale?"

it was good to feel all nostagicy last night. it made me want to listen to chomsky and watch can't hardly wait.

"why you gotta be wasting my flava?!"

Thursday, June 08, 2006

return of the heckler

i watched "lord of the rings: return of the king" last night. i wasn't sure if i'd be able to make it through the whole thing in one sitting...but i did! and i remembered why at the end of that very long 3 & a half hour block...because i LOVE that movie! mostly because of the memories that are associated with it. let me explain...

exhibit 'a'
december 2003, wednesday of finals week. opening night.
a gaggle of 2nd warders purchased tickets to see "return of the king", and we arrived at least a couple of hours early to stand in line outside the theatre. there were about 20ish of us. when he finally got into the theatre, everyone decided it was time to potty, get food, etc and left 3 of us there so save 20ish seats. and i was one of them. i remember sprawling my 5'4 frame across an entire row of seats and giving people "the crazy eye" when they walked by trying to find seats. "these are taken!! grrrrr." when the previews started, a teaser trailer for the second mask movie was shown, and in that stunned silence after the preview, somebody a few rows back said, "i smell on oscar!" i died. we died. it was hilarious. oh, and the movie was great, too.

exhibit 'b'
may 2004, relief society presidency retreat, caroline's grandparent's basement.

caroline, camille, em, & i rented "return of the king", bought tons of junk food, and drove up to her grandparent's house to "bond". the entire 3 and a half hours, we did nothing but heckle and laugh at the movie. case in point:

*during the scene where the orcs storm the bridge into gondor, there's an orc in the background that dances, yes dances, across screen. i don't remember who noticed him, but we rewound it at least 10 times to watch the dancing orc prance around. and we died.
during the seiging of minas tirith, the orcs and their huge troll are banging on the door to the next level trying to break through while the gondorian soldiers wait on the other side. when the shot pans to the orcs banging at the door, em said, "knock knock. who's there? orc! orc who? orc'nt you glad you got that door there." hilarious.

*legolas is so great and entertaining in this movie! the scene where he takes down the elephant one-handed was always my favorite. the best part is the look on his face after he slides down the elephant's trunk. it says to me, "huh. that was cool." it's classic. another moment is when the men are discussing how to further help frodo and sam now that they've crossed into mordor. aragorn's plan to is draw the army of sauron out of mordor to clear the way for the hobbits, and as they discuss this plan, legolas all of a sudden pipes up and says dramatically, "a diversion!" yeah, thanks elf man for getting us all caught up.

*and of course, the never-ending ending. all right peter jackson, a movie should end when you fade to black the FIRST time, not the 45TH. frodo & sam destroyed the ring. now they're on a rock surrounded by lava. fade. gandalf & the eagles save them and they reunite with their friends. fade. aragorn is king, bow to the hobbits. fade. we're back in the shire and life is good. fade. goodbye bilbo and frodo. fade. sam's home again. fade. seriously. this multiple ending takes up half the movie. annoying, but always entertaining in the end. because then you can choose your own ending! and then just turn the movie off feeling satisfied.


in conclusion, good movie. good times. good 3 and half hours of my life wasted. aww the life of a college graduate.

Friday, June 02, 2006


this one time...a boy called to ask me out. he said, "let's go rock climbing!" and i said, "okay", with a hint of trepidation in my voice.

not that i don't want to, but, you see, i have wimpy girl arms due to my...well...girliness combined with the lack of yogic(?) consistency. therefore, i think my arms might either snap off or cause me to fall to my death.

and all for a date.

oh the humanity.