Friday, May 26, 2006

the space between

sometimes it seems as though i've reached an impasse. one that i cannot seem to pass through.

and then the phone rings. and i feel that familiar feeling in my stomach.

i still get butterflies every time he calls me.

i'm holding my heart out on a string. i have been for some time. i know i do this too easily. too fast. but i can't pull it back. not yet. there is still that hope. that pull. my heart tells me to stay.

so i do.

my mind tells me i'm defying all logic. all reasoning. therein lies the battle. the impasse. between heart and mind. body and spirit. while one cannot exist without the other, i must listen to one. and only one.

i still feel butterflies.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

random fug

once upon a time, i graduated. and then my life became REALLY boring. and while i've been emotionally strained as of late, my life has been pretty uneventful. so here's a random stream from my consciousness.


i read "the da vinci code". finally. i REALLY didn't want to because i hate giving in to hype. but i did. and i enjoyed 95% of the book, the twists and turns, the code-breaking and complete lack of depth and character development, but at what was suppose to be the climax the book, the moment where the teacher was revealed and langdon had to do some quick thinking to save the cryptex and sophie, it was really awesome for like 2 seconds, but then the remaining chapters of the book were just plain blah, down to the cheesy "meet me in florence and we'll make out" scene between langdon and sophie. if i had wanted to read about love, i would have picked up some jane austin, but no, i wanted to be thrilled and mystified. instead, i was holding back vomit and wanting to know where the freakin' grail was! and then in the epilogue, langdon was all like, "oh, the grail's in the louvre." hmmm...interesting, interesting, and why am i no longer thrilled and mystified? oh because you can't write mr. dan brown. sure you kept the pace, the mystery, and the suspense throughout MOST of the book, but the only character you really delve into was silas, the book really isn't that well written (even i noticed some grammatical mistakes - and the man can't write prose for the love of all that is john steinbeck), and again with the lame ending! geez. but now i'm reading "snow" by orhan pamuk. i'm only a few chapters in, but the greatness of this book as compared to song and dance of "the da vinci code" has already manifested itself. observe the first two lines:
The silence of snow, thought the man sitting just behind the bus driver. If this were the beginning of a poem, he would have called the thing he felt inside him the silence of snow.
man, it feels great to get back into great literature again!


i bought a muted-lime green purse. and it's hot. and i'm a little bit in love. stacey london would be proud.


i finally got my big fat check in the mail from the research conference i participated in last month. my poster about 10,000 year-old marine shells won be a whopping $25! yeehaw.


i love being warm again! i love the feeling of walking outside at night and waiting to get cold...waiting...and waiting...and staying warm! i heart utah in the spring! remember when we broke up last month because it was snowing? all is forgiven and i'm in the mood for love!


i saw "akeelah and the bee" last weekend, and this quote by marianne williamson was read twice:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel unsure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
i guess this subject has been pressed upon my mind as of late. as i attempt to figure my life out, where i should be heading, what i should be doing, i just don't know where to go from here. and all the while, i know i am being lead by an invisible force from on high, pushed and shoved to that place i have yet to reach. and that brings me peace. while i don't know how my life will pan out in the next few years, i think i'm okay with that. He has never failed me yet. all things will work together for my good, if i let it.


just one more, so as to not end on a sappy/deep note: i listened to the beatles a lot this week. and it made me happy.

Monday, May 08, 2006

headlines of the day & other news

filipino judge sacked for consulting trio of mystic dwarves

it was his toes that tipped off the police


and i watched "kronk's new groove" yesterday...and it was hilarious! it was like "the emperor's new groove" + more sarcasim and randomness. at one point, yzma is taking kronk to her new "secret lab" and instead of being the fun rollar coaster ride it used to be, it's a disney-land-it's-a-small-world-after-all-esque float through a room full of singing dolls. kronk looks at yzma disappointed/confused and she says, "wait for it...", and THEN the roller coaster part of the ride comes!

trust me, it was funny. but i'll understand if you don't trust my judgement. i just watched "rainbow brite and the star stealer" for heaven's sake. and WOW it was bad. but did you know that rainbow brite is voiced by "bettina"? huh.

Monday, May 01, 2006

it's may 1st and i'm a grown-up

i have a japanese woodblock calendar. when i turned the month to may today, my eyes beheld a giant fish that reminded me of bob dylan. and the fish said to me...

Our conversation was short and sweet
It nearly swept me off-a my feet.
And I'm back in the rain, oh, oh, and you are on dry land.
You made it there somehow
You're a big girl now.

Bird on the horizon, sittin' on a fence,
He's singin' his song for me at his own expense.
And I'm just like that bird, oh, oh,singin' just for you.
I hope that you can hear, hear me singin' through these tears.

Time is a jet plane, it moves too fast
Oh, but what a shame if all we've shared can't last.
I can change, I swear, oh, oh,see what you can do.
I can make it through,
You can make it too.

Love is so simple, to quote a phrase,
You've known it all the time, I'm learnin' it these days.
Oh, I know where I can find you, oh, oh, in somebody's room.
It's a price I have to pay
You're a big girl all the way.

A change in the weather is known to be extreme
But what's the sense of changing horses in midstream?
I'm going out of my mind, oh, oh, with a pain that stops and starts
Like a corkscrew to my heart ever since we've been apart.


hmmm...either i'm going crazy or i should go back to school...