Wednesday, October 12, 2005

i wish i had a river i could skate away on
i wish i had a river so long i would teach my feet to fly

why am i so scared? why am i putting myself under so much pressure? why can i not let the bygones of my past become bygones? why am i lactose intolerant? this isn't suppose to be hard. why am i making it so? my reason and emotions are stuck in an eternal battle of wits, and it's driving me crazy. in this corner, we have my white personality! *CHEERS* and in this corner...my blue personality! *BOOOS*

i find myself in an interesting position, one which frightens me, confuses me, and stresses me out. for so long now, i've only had school and inconsequential nonsense to worry and stress me out. i seriously thought to myself over the summer, well don't i have it good.

i have been so incredibly blessed this past year, and i think in some weird, masochistic way, i expected certain aspects of my life that were stable to suddenly come unraveled. do you ever pray for trails? well, it seems like a good idea at the time.

i feel lost and uncertain, yet calm and collected. i feel ready and open, yet apprehensive and insecure. i don't even know how to handle this, how to get past all the junk that's obstructing me from being myself and letting go of just a little part of me.

i don't know where to go, which side to choose. i'm stuck, searching for those wildflowers. someone once told me that i will always feel peace when i follow the Lord's will. i want that peace, so desperately. i want to come home, come back into His arms, and have His hand continually stretched out for me. i'm walking into that dark unknown, knowing His hand is there, knowing he will never lead me astray. that is where i belong.

you belong among the wildflowers
you belong in a boat out at sea
sail away, kill off the hours
you belong somewhere you feel free
run away, let your heart be your guide
you deserve the deepest of cover
you belong in that home by and by
you belong among the wildflowers
far away from your trouble and worry
you belong somewhere you feel free

3 comments:

  1. Remember my mantra: "If you're going through HELL, keep going." -Winston Churchill.
    Just keep moving girl, it'll iron itself out.

    ReplyDelete
  2. i love you, leah...in case you were wondering...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hang in there. Just remember that there are A LOT of people cheering you on from both sides of the veil. :)

    ReplyDelete