Tuesday, March 08, 2005

and Choas ensues

I've been comtemplative and confused of late.

Echoing Erika's blog, I just don't know what to do with my life. I graduate in December, and have a million different paths I can choose. Combined with the kick-me-in-my-pants semester I've been having, I just feel like I'm under a constant state of stress and worry, though I'm careful not to get myself too overworked.

I keep telling myself that when I eventually get through this semester alive, I'll be in Italy, doing what I love. Yet, when I get home from Italy, I'll be faced with a fresh-of-the-mission "friend" who I'm sure, the more I think about it, I will have to let go of. Desires and feelings to serve a mission have been pressed upon my mind, as well. Graduate school is a viable and desirable option. I want to be a wife and a mother. I want to be a missionary. I want to be a physical anthropologist and study dead people, because SOMEBODY needs to be their friends, and that somebody is me!

I feel as if I have to choose between cheesecake, German chocolate cake, and a Symphony bar for desert...there's no good/right answer and they're all so good! *drroooolllll*


I think that perhaps my feelings at this time would best be described in the words of the wise Bob Dylan himself:

You've gone to the finest school all right, Miss Lonely But you know you only used to get juiced in it And nobody has ever taught you how to live on the street And now you find out you're gonna have to get used to it...

You used to be so amused at Napoleon in rags and the language that he used Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose You're invisible now, you got no secrets to conceal.

How does it feel How does it feel To be on your own With no direction home Like a complete unknown Like a rolling stone?

hmph. Maybe I just need to do more yoga. Funny that the only time I have felt completely relaxed and lack all of this stress and can just mentally drift away is when I'm doing yoga. Or maybe I need more chocolate. That tends to solve problems, but only when I'm pre-menstral. Dah! Maybe I should just curl up with my Bob Briar mummy book, read about dead people, and hide from the world that's been creeping up on me. And do yoga. And dance. Because, after all...

DANCE!
Nothing left for me to do but DANCE off these bad times I'm going through just DANCE!
Got canned heat in my heals tonight, baby!

You know this boogie is for real,
got so much canned heat in my heels yeah
Gonna DANCE, gonna DANCE my blues away tonight

DANCE!
Nothing left for me to do but DANCE off these bad times I'm going through just DANCE!
Got canned heat in my heals tonight, baby!

Thank you Napoleon Dynamite for your inspiring dance moves.

4 comments:

  1. Dancing is even better when you are wearing moon boots and have your hands in your pockets.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Why do you have to choose one? God has never asked any of us to pick one dessert and eat only that for the rest of our lives. You can go on a mission, be a wife and mother, and get a degree in physical anthropology. Everything is attainable. I know it's hard to remember this in Never Land...oops, I mean Provo, but there isn't a time restraint on your life goals. It isn't one or the other. You can have your 3 billion kinds of cake and eat them too and there is time to do it all. I love you. Take it a day at a time and trust your guts.

    ReplyDelete
  3. "school's out for summer...school's out forever... school's been blown to pieces..."

    wise words... wise words...

    ReplyDelete